The Answer to the Most Difficult Question....

I am sure most of you would relate to this blog. It’s about the endless search for the answers whose questions bother us every now and then.

Why did it happen? Why did I not take up a particular course during my college years? Why did I make friends with him/her? Was it a mistake? Why did my relationship go wrong? Whose mistake was it? Why does it happen to me always?

The questions never stop….the answers are nowhere to be found. And this pursuit leads one to a lot of pain.

Couple of years ago I had found my answer. And now am at peace with most of these questions. I would like to share the incident on how I came across this realization.  

The answer to the most difficult questions in my and possibly our lives…..

Period

Back in the late 2006, one of the most difficult periods of my existence, life was nothing but a journey to seek answers of questions which bothered me a lot. During that time I tried to connect with my deeper self and found solace in meditation and spiritual discourses of Buddhism. I had decided that I would get out of the existing circumstances by taking some bold steps and not just wait for things to happen. An important step was my visit to the Art of Living ashram

 

I visited the Art of Living ashram, Bangalore for a three day meditation course. The Art of Living Ashram is headed by the spiritual leader Sri Sri Ravi Shankarji who is known for the sudharshan kriya, a form of breathing cum meditation exercise. Although I had done this course in Mumbai a year back, I always wanted to visit his ashram; this was probably the right time.

Unlike the other participants at the Art of Living Foundation I was not an ardent follower of Guruji. I was more interested in the meditation bit. He was literally worshipped by many followers. To meet Sri Sri was next to impossible since he would be always traveling around the world. However during the three days I was there, he happened to be at the Ashram. And needless to say the ashram was buzzing with activity. It’s a big occasion if Guruji is at the Ashram. Almost 2,000 people from around the world had gathered to hear him speak and dance with joy at the satsangs that took place every evening which he used to grace

This was the third day of my course at the ashram.

Over the last two days our group of 30 who had undergone the course was spiritually refreshed thanks to the great meditation sessions. Also in the evenings we got chance to attend the satsangs where Guruji himself participated. The mood was electrifying when over 2000 people sang along with Guruji. It was special

However the third day was even better

On the morning of the third day, we were given the surprise that we had a chance to meet Guruji in person. Just the 30 from our batch. The older people in our group were ecstatic; something they could not believe. They were overjoyed. The thought of meeting God in person and touching his feet made them feel blessed. I was a bit uncomfortable cause I really did not want all this. I had enjoyed my course, was feeling better but visiting Guruji was something I was not too kicked about.

However since there was no other option available, I tagged along others in the group to proceed towards his room. This was around 11 in the morning. We were made to wait in a room where Guruji was to meet us.  We had to wait for quite a while since the ushers made sure each one is assembled in the room and took their places. I was sitting at the fag end of the room and was generally chatting up with an old couple with whom I had become close to at the ashram. Actually to think of it was not even 24 hours since I first met them.

Period

At the course venue apart from the meditation sessions we indulged in some activities. Exactly 24 hours ago, in one particular exercise, we had to team up with one person from the group with whom we had not spoken for the entire duration of the course; And then we were suppose to have a conversation with him. We were to share our deepest regret in life! It was an exercise of opening up.

I really don’t know how, but I happened to team up with this old person in his 70’s. I don’t quite remember his name now but he seemed to be a really nice person from the way he spoke. The moment he started talking to me we instantly connected. I was a little uncomfortable so he began first. He was retired lawyer and spoke about his life and the many hardships he had to face. It was like he never got his due in life and he was still waiting for recognition. The way he spoke so openly made me comfortable, I could now easily open up with him.

He was very supportive; he carefully listened to whatever I was saying. It’s fascinating how you end up sharing your most personal feelings with a person whom you had met only 20 minutes ago. And believe me, once you do that you become connected with him in a big way.

Period

It’s been 10 minutes now since we were waiting for Guruji and my conversation with the retired lawyer was about Guruji himself. Both of them, the retired lawyer and his wife were ardent followers of Guruji and said that they were lucky to get a chance to meet him and get his blessing. In a few minutes, Guruji entered the hall and greeted everyone.

As I mentioned earlier, I really don’t believe much in spiritual gurus. I feel all of them talk about the same thing, just that they are packaged differently. However I must admit that there was a certain positive energy that was filled in the room the moment he entered. Everybody’s mood was lifted. His smile and persona was infectious; childlike.

He told us to sit down. And for the next 10 minutes he spoke about the importance of meditation in our lives. He wanted to hear the experiences of all who had attended the course. Well I just was sitting at one corner and was trying to understand the conversation that was taking place, hoping all of this gets over soon.

Once the dialogue was over, the ushers told us that all can personally seek blessings of Guruji and proceed to the course venue. All were told to assemble in one line and one by one they met Guruji. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity; some touched his feet, some photographed with him, most of them explained their problems and tried to get healed. I was standing way back in the line just in front of the old retired lawyer and his wife.

Seeing everybody talking to him and seeking his blessing made me wonder what I need to do. What do I talk to him? I didn’t want to sound stupid. At one moment I did feel that since he is referred to as god by many and has the cure for everything; should I tell him my problem? Is there a possibility that he could really heal? I mean what’s the harm…but the other part of me said I was stupid he just wouldn’t be interested!  He is meeting so many people before me …he would be giving a generic advice….lots of questions were going on in my mind… he had already met 20 people in the last thirty minutes. He must be tired.

Some time had passed and now I was the next in line to meet Guruji.  I turned to the retired lawyer behind me and told him that I really did not know what to say. He said simply seek his blessings. I had by then almost firmed up my plan to disappear soon after touching his feet. When my turn came, Guruji started talking to the usher next to him, I thought this was the right moment, just touch his feet and run away….I didn’t even look at him and went straight and bent down to touch his feet. I was hoping he wouldn’t even notice someone has touched his feet ….

And then the unexpected happened

 “How are you doing Stevan?”

Those of you who are familiar with Guruji’s voice would realize that he has a feminine tone to his voice. I could not believe it that he addressed me by name. It’s not a miracle though that he knew my name as he would have seen my tag card on my shirt pocket; however the fact that I never expected it caught me by surprise.

“How are you doing?, he asked me. At that moment I looked at him. He asked me with his infectious smile. I told him that I was doing well. I didn’t really know what to speak. “Guruji I have come from Mumbai and work for Mahindra& Mahindra”.  I told him that had a done the course earlier in Mumbai but always wanted to visit the ashram. He smiled at me. You know it’s very important to be comfortable with the person you are talking so that you can have an honest conversation. Guruji made me feel at ease….

At that moment I don’t know what happened but I felt like sharing something with him. But didn’t really know if he had the time. So I asked him hesitantly “Guruji I need to tell you something”. He opened up his arms and placed it on my shoulders and said “Go on son”.

I was not comfortable speaking since there were ushers all around so I leaned towards him and told him that I was going through a severe depression and I didn’t know how I will be able to get through this. I told him nothing seems to be working; I asked him if he could help. “Guruji can you help me get out of this”. I almost had tears in my eyes…

Guruji looked in my eyes and hugged me. I always mentioned that I really don’t believe in spiritual gurus but it was such a beautiful moment for me. A stranger holding me close with so much care. I felt good. And loved. And Guruji told me “Stevan don’t you realize that you are already feeling better since yesterday” And I took his blessings and moved on….

I was still unable to comprehend what had happened. It was completely unexpected. I was still to come to terms with the present. I waited outside for the retired lawyer and his wife….they were much eager to meet him….

They came out a few minutes later. By that time I was feeling normal again. We then proceeded for lunch which was served around 12. The retired lawyer told me “You are blessed Stevan, he hugged you. Very few people are that lucky...” I was slightly confused. “Yes definitely there was no doubt that I am feeling good however what am still confused about was the answer that Guruji gave. What did it mean? Yes I was feeling better since yesterday but why did he say that”, I asked the retired lawyer. “You know he did not answer my question. I asked him when I will be able to get out of all this and what do I need to do. But he never said anything on that.”  

The retired lawyer on seeing me confused smiled and his hands touched my face and then he said something very beautiful.  

And that’s when probably one of the biggest realization in my life happened. And no it did not come from Guruji but from the old retired lawyer who I believe was a god-send messenger. What he said at that moment changed the way I looked at things for ever.

“Guruji actually gave you the answer, to understand the true meaning you have to look deeper. Stevan, some questions just don’t have any answers, so stop looking for them. The more you try to search for the answer the more complications arise. There are many things in life which cannot be explained. It’s best to leave it at that. Sometime we feel that we have answered them, but the fact is it’s just a fiction of our imagination while the reality is that there are no answers for those questions. So stop worrying about the past and its happenings and its reasoning and move on”

That moment was perfect.

I found the answer to the most difficult question

Period

I had lots of questions in mind that evening

• “How did I end up at the Art of Living Ashram when I had actually planned to visit my friend’s place that weekend?
• When I reached Art of living ashram they informed me that there were no seats available. How did I actually manage to get that last seat?
• Why did I choose that retired lawyer from a group of other 30 individuals for the activity?
• Why did I meet Guruji? What made me open up?

I had hundreds of questions. On other days I would have wondered and thought about it.  But I guess that nite the answer was clear. It really didn’t really matter. For simply there is no answer for it. It just happened. And such things may happen again. Its best to take whatever comes, experience it and move on. By trying to question a happening we are merely not letting go of it and complicating things further

My close friends died in a train accident some years ago it was a painful experience losing a great friend, more so the terrible suffering their family had to suffer since he was their only child. I had many questions in my mind. Why did it happen to him? What wrong had he done? Why did he have to catch that particular train? What could have saved him? These questions which I am sure still haunts their family.

But then what’s the point? Digging deeper into such questions only brings pain and unhappiness associated with that event and we will never get answers to them. The day we realize that there is simply no answer and it just happened we probably learn to move on. Not to say one bit that the pain goes away, the pain would be felt but with this realization we accept what had happened and altleast make an attempt to move on and not let that pain be with us for years together…

Life presents many instances which are difficult to comprehend and what Guruji was trying to tell us was that one does not require delving deeper into such happenings. Its part and parcel of life and one needs to just accept it as a necessary happening in our journey of life. The moment we try to analyze a happening we stall our journey and reach nowhere

That was the answer which has been a core part of my existence since then. It helped me accept things and not go into unnecessary complications and pain. I have been able to move out of many problems quickly because of this.

The answer to the most difficult question of my life…..

That there are no answers to some questions. It’s best to leave it at that. And move on….

Perspectives...

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